April Showers, I Mean Snow

Yup it's snowing in April. Not just a few flakes falling reminding us of our northern climate, no...I mean snowing.  I think it snowed for almost 40 hours straight Thursday and Friday.  This morning (Saturday) we woke to beautiful glorious sunshine, and another 3-4 inches from last night.  I checked the weather and it looked like it would be clear all day, by noon it was snowing again.  I just hope the weather is completely wrong this time, because they are forecasting another snow storm for tomorrow into Monday, another 6-8 inches accompanied with a lot of wind.

Dave and I just got back from San Diego on Wednesday.  He was out there for work and I got to tag along this trip to see the new offices and enjoy some sun.  It was great, but I was really hoping I would return to some melted snow.  Instead there was a storm that hit right after I took off and it stayed cold (mid 30's) while we were away.  It's been mid 30's this whole month if not cooler.  All of our April showers are made up of snow it seems.  This last storm gave us 8-12 inches, it's actually pretty hard to tell exactly how much since the winds were 30-40 mph and making a mess of what did fall.  School was canceled half way through the day on Thursday and all day on Friday.

With the kids home Dave decided to give them reports to do.  He paired them up, gave them a topic, links to The Khan Academy online and a computer and sent them on their way.  Last night the kids did their presentations for us.  They were pretty amazing.  Hosanna and Elisha were given the French Revolution and it's impact on the play Les Meserables, and it's impact on French art.  Elisha, an avid Victor Hugo fan, and Hosanna, who loves all art, were thrilled and spent the whole afternoon, much longer then the required two hours working on it.  They had a cool power point presentation.  Hosanna was upset because she spent a huge chunk of time trying to find art that didn't show topless women!  Oops Dave!  That one probably needed to be better thought through before assigning it next time!  Trinity did her report on spies, and Josiah and Zoe did theirs on black holes.  They had some neat videos and were able to answer most of the questions.  Joseph and Lacy did their report on how an engine works.  Lacy drew a diagram of an engine on a piece of paper and Joseph walked through the power point they made.  Lacy was having a hard time getting started in her presentation, I think she was a bit nervous and embarrassed.  We started coaching her by asking her some questions.  Dave asked her "Lacy, what did you do your report on?"  To which she quickly replied "A piece of paper!".  The whole room lost it.  It was just too funny.   She slapped her forehead and just shook her head like we were the silly ones.

Today the kids are enjoying a much slower pace of life, some fresh fallen snow, and some newly purchased art supplies.  I love watching them find things that interest them and getting to spend some time working on it.  I guess having another snow storm tomorrow might be okay after all!

Birthday Reflections

Today Trinity turn 13.  Each year ticks by and each kid grows just a bit more.  It's a never ending cycle that has me mentally preparing yet unable to grasp the reality.  I know I talk a lot about the how last three years were so hard, and time seemed skewed...its just that at moments like these it takes me by surprise again.  I left my babies three years ago...I left them there tucked away in my mind still small and calm.  Trinity was 9 almost 10 and everyone was home.  Sigh...but time didn't stop.  It marched on in it's cruel cadence, bittersweet.  Sweet in the inevitability of emerging from the other side of the chaos and pain of our sifting.  Bitter in the loss of the time through which we were marched.  Looking back I feel as if that time moved differently and likewise I moved differently through it.  I saw it all, I watched them grow...but as if through old glass.  The kind of glass that is uneven and full of air bubbles. I was separated from them by this glass, thick and heavy.

Today was another fast paced day, a jam packed schedule.  Trinity had a few gals over last night for a birthday sleepover.  It's always fun for her to get to have a sleepover, yet it gets to be a lot.  We've started saying that sleepovers are for special occasions now because of the difficultly on the other kids.  Everyone ends up feeling selfish and left out, even though there are more kids!  Siblings turn on each other as they feel they have to fight for the "right" to have one on one time with their friends, and rejection and hurt feelings abound.  Trinity was pretty good, but the younger girls were a struggle.   Attitudes start to stink up the house and seem to spread faster then the flu.

This morning Dave and I had a church meeting from 8-10.  Trinity and her friends were to hang out in the basement apartment where they had spent the night and the Joe Boys were to take care of their sisters upstairs.  Sometimes, often actually, this works okay.  Our kids are pretty good about staying home together, but today was just one of those days where selfishness is supreme and chaos is king.  We lost count of the number of phone calls with issues and problems.  By the time we got home just about everyone was on our naughty list.  We didn't have long to sort through the issues, just enough to express our disapproval and frustration at the attitudes and behaviors.  We didn't have long because just an hour later was Trinity's party.  Friends and family came over and we celebrated.

I think Trin enjoyed her party.  She had cupcakes that she had made and decorated herself as her birthday treat.  She had gotten to go over to my friend and her mentor Melissa's house to learn how on Thursday.  She even made gluten free for Goobs and me.  Her friends and family showered her with gifts.  We got her the cell phone she has been wanting for years.  She was thrilled.  She has to pay the monthly add on charges to have her on our plan, but that was just fine with her.

As much fun as Trin had, I think she was more than done by the time the party was over.  She doesn't do super great with constant stimulation and lack of sleep.  By noon she was exhausted and needing some down time, but it was time to party.  She made it through well, but asked if she could go to Tom and Pat's for the night tonight.  We said that was fine, I am sure she was just needing some peace and quiet.  It's hard not having her home tonight, but I get it.  She is so much like her Papa, an introvert at heart.  She loves having friends and getting to go and do things, but I think most of the time her ideas of it are grander then the actual and she ends up feeling exhausted, emotionally drained, and regretting having gone as long or as far.

I still can't believe that she is turning 13.  Only five years left folks...that's it.  It hits like a fast ball to the gut every time.  I should have eight years, shouldn't I...isn't she just turning 10???  Sigh...

This afternoon after Trini left I had to get a handle on the attitudes that kept brewing.  Zoe and Hosanna's angry outbursts were reaching new heights and the Joe boy's were just itching to bury themselves in a techno world of make believe called Minecraft.  I sent everyone outside to play.  The temps have warmed up and the snow is ripe for snowballs.  Garrett was over for the party and willing to join us outside for some fun.  I told the kids I would come out and play too.  I don't normally get a chance to play outside (or inside for that matter) with them.  I used to.  I used to play with them all of the time.  We would do almost everything together.  They would all help me cook, clean, play, shop, etc...it was great.  But somehow, somewhere is those murky three years that part of me got lost.  I have a million reasons, excuses some might say...things need to be cleaned, chores done, food cooked, etc.... Yet, staring down the face of only 5 years left can jog your brain.  I've known for so long that we only have this short time with our kids.  It's something we have always held close, but somehow the cares of this world, the day to day "to dos", rob us of our main point, our main goal, and in the end a great deal of joy.

So today I went outside and played with my kids.  We had a snowball fight.  There were tears. There were cold faces, necks, hands, and feet.  At one point I went to duck behind the climbing structure on the tree house and instead ran right into it with my face.  I knocked myself to the ground and almost knocked myself out.  I'm fine and have a great swollen lump next to my eye...battle scars that I wouldn't trade for anything.  We talked through the tears, reinforcing the so easily discarded truth that we are FOR them, it's a game, no one is out to "get" anyone, this is a safe place.  They are so conditioned to defend themselves, feeling like no one is on their side...or rushing to the defense of each other, beating the transgressor into the ground and stomping on them. It's heated, it's emotional, it's hard to watch, and even harder to hear.  Three more years of thick glass that left our little ones to fend for themselves emotionally.  It reminds me of The Lord of the Flies...a nasty commentary on the depravity of the human condition when children are left alone to survive.

In the end however, they are still kids.  So we did what works best with kids...we played.  We didn't let the tears and hurt win.  We talked, hugged, and laughed.  We threw snow, and laughed some more.  As I played with my kids I remembered.  I remembered that through playing with them I can teach so much more effectively then "parenting" ever seemed to.  By being there with them, living life with them, there was no need to run to Mama to tattle or complain, she was right there covered in snow herself.  I was welcomed, easily accepted and we bonded.  

I would love to say that the rest of night was roses, but come on...they're kids!  We hadn't even all made it inside when one child threw a boot at the other one in anger.  Sigh...and so it goes.

Today was Trinity's birthday, but I feel like today I was given a gift. Today I got to experience my kids again.  I was reminded, and a small part of me started to heal.  As Dave and I pray and discuss where we are and what God is doing with us, we run up against so many things that we can't seem to reconcile in our minds. We want to be free to laugh and play with our kids, but the task lists are so long and the day just seems so short.  We have fallen victim to the "if only" to make it through.  "If only I can get xyz done then I can play/relax/etc..."  Day by day ticks on, year after year and no matter how we try the "if only" list never shrinks.  The carrot is unreachable, and I think it's time to try something different.  We are wired, Dave and I, with this love for other people and a deep desire to bring them reconciliation and life through Jesus.  Yet, we find our hearts have taken such a beating over the past three years, they have been broken over and over...not for the lost, but through betrayal.  Now when they start to break over the needs of another a wall comes up and  we find ourselves more aloof, distant, and unfeeling.  We want to break down the walls, but hesitate remembering the pain, and the cost.  Birthday's cause us to look back.  Today I remembered some more.  I remember the joy and peace of being on the same level with my kids.  I remember the faith and excitement we had when we got to make a gospel connection with someone. When God sent us in a direction and with vigor and exhilaration we would grab hands and surge forward.  Our time of sifting is over...but like someone stepping out of  a dark room into the daylight, it takes a bit for our eyes to adjust and things to come back into focus.  The glass is much clearer then before, and I'd love to find a way to just open the door.

Papa's Birthday!

Yesterday the love of my life turned 37.  Wow...37.  We met and fell in love almost 20 years ago. I was 16 he was 17.  I have been blessed to spend the last 20 years with my best friend.  He is the most amazing man.  Shortly after we were married I would pray that God would bless him like He blessed Joseph of the The Old Testament...blessed in everything he did. For years God has blessed us beyond measure.  I have watched God transform Dave into a Godly husband, father, business owner, and pastor.  Sometimes at night I will watch him sleep and breath thanksgiving over him for the man God has blessed us with.

God's blessing has always been on us, but over the past few years, it's been in a different form. He has new things for us to learn...new things he wants to shape into us.  My prayer for Dave now if for exploding joy.  Joy that comes in, takes over, and radically alters our outlook on life.  Dave has always had a silly quirky side.  I love that about him.  It doesn't come out as much as the cares of church plantings, being bi-vocational, and rising ten little blessings has taken it's toll.  We got to see a bit of it last night as his children's infectious joy & excitement gushed out on him.  He is their hero, their superman, their greatest playmate.  They were so excited to lavish on him for his birthday!

The twins, Asha, Zoe and I made the Happy Birthday sign.

His parents were able to join us for a special birthday dinner...chilly dogs, beans, chips, salad...yum!

Since Asha's birthday she has been on an opening presents kick.  Like any toddler...it's all about her, isn't it? So Asha "helped" Dave open his presents.

First up we have a homemade birthday hat...fun.

Next was a red rubber ducky on a multicolored lanyard.  The special thing about this was that Zoe had just won it at school for a jump rope for heart fundraiser 

And what birthday wouldn't be complete without his very own star of David?!  Nope, we are not Jewish (not that I know of anyway).  Yet, one of his children just felt he should have his own special star with his name on it.

He did get some practical gifts...a skill saw, prayer journal, and some money.  The cool thing about the money is that Dave really wants to be able to make the kids some neat indoor playhouse/fort/play structure/secret passageway type stuff.  He found Pinterest and has some great ideas.  As we continue to think and pray about homeschooling, having our house be what we want it to be will be important.  Making sure the kids have what they need to be creative, exercise, learn, explore, dream, and play especially when it's too cold to go outside for a large chunk of the year is crucial.  What a great Papa!

And of course we had to take a picture of the singing card.  Singing cards get almost more attention in our house then the gifts do.  The one Goobs is holding has a pair of singing tighty-whitey's on it...yup, not much I can say that can follow that up, except...Happy Birthday Papa!  We Love You!!!!

Elisha's Birthday

Well, I know it's been almost three weeks since Elisha's birthday and I haven't blogged about it yet.  My bad.  Dave's birthday is Tues, my Dad's is today, and Trinity's is next Saturday so I figured I better get Elisha's post done now.

Elisha's birthday was the second of March.  She shares a birthday with my brother, but since he lives in Albuquerque we don't get to celebrate with him.  For years I have looked at Elisha's birthday with a little bit of sadness in my heart for her, looking forward to the day she really gets that her birthday was also her mother's death day.  We have reached that now, she's there.  She's always known that her mother died in childbirth with her. That really hit her hard this year a month or so before her birthday.   She had really processed through that and what that means to her now. It was good.

With her birthday this year she was really able to enjoy her special day.  She didn't need it to be overwhelmingly amazing like in years past. This year she was just okay to have a day with her family to celebrate.  She spent Friday night at Grandma and Grandpa's so she could go to a hockey game.  She went to a hockey game on Saturday night too.  That was what she really wanted...to go to the UMD hockey games.

Grandma took Elisha shopping for her birthday too.  This was a shopping trip she had been looking forward to for awhile.  She loves clothes and finding her style.  She came home with some super cute outfits.  I love the zebra pants!!

Gramz and Grandpa got Elisha a doll just like the one she got for her friend in Sierra Leone, so they both have matching dollies. She also got some sewing projects to be able to do with Gramz. Papa and I got her some money for her Kindle.

Elisha had a lot of fun. We are so proud of our big girl. She has grown into a lovely young lady. Happy Birthday!

To Home School or Not To Home School...

I do need to blog about Elisha's birthday, but it's been awhile since I got a chance to blog about the stuff that's been going on around here, things I'm processing through.  So here I go!

To home school or not to home school...that is the question.  This question has been rolling around in our heads for most of this school year.  It was really just focused on Josiah to begin with.  He is a math whiz kid.  He is already one grade level ahead of his peers (he's in sixth, when he should be 5th.) He was two grade levels above but when we put the kids into school we had him repeat third grade even though he'd already passed it once.  We did that so he wasn't so much younger then the other kids in his class.  This year he has blasted through the math at school and loved it.  His teacher is great and is always trying to find ways to challenge him. That however won't be the case next year when he would step into the big world of high school.  In our little town there is no Jr. High or middle school.  7th grade is part of the high school.  That's just a lot to throw an 11 year old into. So, we had already been talking about bringing Josiah home to next year so he could move faster in math and grow a bit physically before dumping him in with beard shaving, car driving, highschoolers.

Well, that was until the lice hit.  Yup, you heard me...lice.  The four letter word that will leave even foulest mouthed person cringing, and itching.  Dave and I had gone to the annual EFCA church planter and wives retreat the second week of Feb.  It was only three days, Mon-Wed.  I had done Zoe's hair Sunday morning for church, but she kind of let it "do it's thing" while we were gone. Her hair is super long, almost to her waist.  Thursday morning (Valentine's Day), I started doing her hair as the kids got ready for school.  That's when I found them...lice.  She had four.  Dave and I kicked into gear as we quarantined her to her room and started checking the other kids.  Hosanna had two, so off to her room she went.  The rest of the kids were clean.  Dave took the other kids to school while I drove Walmart to get lice treatment kits.

We spent the day Thursday cleaning the house and treating the girls.  I think over the next four days I spent close to 20 hours combing through hair looking for eggs.  We called the school to report the lice and make sure we understood what the school's policy on lice was.  We knew Zoe had gotten the lice from her classroom.  She was very upset about having to miss school because she was missing the Valentine's Day parties.  She couldn't understand why she had to stay home when her friends come to school with lice eggs.   I was shocked.  We knew lice was a problem in Zoe's class.  We had gotten letters home in the fall and again before Christmas saying that kids had lice.  But we had no idea that the school was allowing kids to come to school with eggs in their hair.  That is not how it was when we were growing up.  The school said the other kids were supposed to be in school and Zoe and Hosanna could return the next day after having been treated at home.

Well, that afternoon the kids came home from school and the buzz began.  The nurse had checked all of our kids at school (and they were clean). But the news spread and parents started to call, email, and text. People were upset that we had sent our other kids to school.  They wanted to know where our kids were going to be so they could make sure to avoid us!  To say we were hurt and upset would be an understatement. We had learned enough about lice at this point to know that in order to make sure they were really gone was to wait 7-9 days and retreat the infected kids, but the other kids were fine.  The school's policy to send kids back to school the next day (with eggs in their hair) was created to try to avoid the stigma kids can get from lice...well that didn't work!  We were upset that because of this policy and because other parents had sent their kids back to school with eggs, we now had lice and were facing the "stigma".

So we decided to do what we had wished other's had done and keep the kids with lice home for a week. Because of the response from people about the other kids we decided to keep everyone home.  This would allow the nit-picks (sorry the pun was too good) to find something new to gossip about and protect our kids from small minded, rude, fear based people.  This all happened on a Thursday so we kept the kids home the whole next week and sent the back the Monday of the next week.  This meant ten days home.  It was wonderful!

With the kids home for ten days we started to notice changes in them.  It took a couple of days, but the stress level settled down, kids started treating each other nicer, and our lives seemed to flow much better.  We also found we had much more time with each other, the house stayed cleaner (go figure), and Dave's work schedule (he works from home) fit better into family life.  Because Dave works for a company on the West Coast it's 1:00 there when the kids are getting home here.  It's hard to have phone calls, video presentation, and webinars with ten kids running around, doing chores, and wanting a break before homework.  But when they were home we were able to have a nice family breakfast, sit around the table after and talk with them, do devotions without rush, and Dave even started something called King's Court at lunch.  It's run like a press conference and the kids are able to ask Dave whatever...problems, issues they want him to "judge", questions, etc... It was great.  The kids felt like Dave was listening to them and it cut down on them attacking him with questions and problems like they did when they got home from school.

Dave is able to start work at 9:00 because of the time difference on the West Coast, but that means he needs to work a bit later in the evening.  We were able to push dinner back to 6:30 and the kids didn't go to bed until close to 9:00.  They slept in a bit in the morning which allowed Dave and I get a bit more Bible study and prayer time in the morning. It was really nice.

We went to the kid's conferences that following Thursday and were conflicted about homeschooling some of the kids.  Some of the kids are getting things in the classroom that I couldn't reproduce at home.  Some of the kids need much structure, and constant things planned.  What about the twins?  They would be Kindergarten next year...they are a handful of energy.  It is a lot homeschooling them right now.  We don't want to rush into any decisions.  We don't want to pull the kids and then stick them back next year, then pull them again.  What about time share classes where the kids can take band and choir at school but still be home schooled, what about sports.  And then there is the whole mess with which curriculum or program to use.  Will all the peace we found be lost to prepping lessons, grading papers, and nagging kids to get them to do their schoolwork? Sigh....

So that brings us to the question...to home school or not to home school....

As far as it goes right now, the only thing we know pretty for sure is that the twins will do half day Kindergarten next year...as for the rest of the kids....?  If you know of any curriculum that is good, or have any advice I'd love to hear it.  We are looking for an online curriculum so it can be done on the computer, but as far as we understand right now, if the kids want to do sports and time share classes it can't be through an online charter school.  We are hoping to have this clarified by the school soon.